** I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. (or a "I really don't want to tour all the back streets when getting somewhere option.")
** More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
** Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
** I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
** The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
** There is a great need for sarcasm font. (totally agree with this one!)
** Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
** How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
** I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
** I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
** The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
** A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
** Was learning cursive really necessary?
** Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
** I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
** How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
** What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
** While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
** MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
** Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
** Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
** I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
** You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
** Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
** There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
** I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
** “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
** When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
** I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
** Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
** It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
** I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
** Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my @$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time… (So true!)
** It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text. (One of my pet peeves - news.com.au does the same)
** I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
Shamelessly stolen from http://iaimtomisbehave.blogspot.com/2009/08/someones-funny.html. Which is, of course, a great blog to read regularly.